The Fixer-Upper Fantasy: Why Believing in a Man’s Potential is a Dead End
Have you ever been in a relationship where you saw potential in your partner but felt frustrated that they weren’t living up to it?
I’ve been terminally attracted to fixer-upper men for most of my life.
The guy I knew could be great. The one I knew I could inspire. By showing him the light, I would surely guide him out of the shadows of his suffering.
My idea that I could mold a man into the perfect partner fixated me. I just knew my energy, influence, and inspiration could pull them up to the next level of amazing!
I was sure I could inspire them to be more.
I endured years of disappointment and heartbreak before it finally woke up to the truth that you can’t fix, save, or improve a man, no matter what you see in him.
I got stuck on one man like this for six years.
Six years of holding out for who I knew he could be because I was at the tender point in my life where it was my last chance to have kids of my own. He was handsome, with crystal, blue eyes and curly, brown locks that I could run my fingers through, and when he came alive, he had a great sense of humor. We hit it off right away, because we liked the same outdoor lifestyle and I was convinced that he was the one for me. But as our relationship progressed, I started to notice things that I wasn’t satisfied with. It was hard to ignore that he was unmotivated, shut down emotionally and spiritually, and didn’t seem to have any real goals or aspirations.
But instead of accepting him for who he was, I fell into the trap of thinking that I could inspire him to become the man I wanted him to be. I started making suggestions, offering tips, and trying to motivate him. I thought I was being helpful, but in reality, I was just pushing him away.
It wasn’t until years later and lots of personal self-study along with courses, books, and coaching on how to thrive in relationship, that I figured out what was happening. I was trying to fix him because I didn’t feel good enough about myself. I was projecting my own feelings of inadequacy onto him, and in doing so, I was sabotaging our relationship.
The truth is, you can’t change someone else. You can offer support, encouragement, and love, but ultimately, they have to want to change themselves. And if they don’t, they won’t. If you have a bigger vision, it’s time to let go and move on.
So, if you have ever gotten mired in a relationship that is less than fulfilling, or one where you think you can redeem his higher self, I urge you to take a step back and really evaluate your motivations. Are you trying to fix him because you genuinely believe he has potential, or are you doing it because you’re afraid of being alone or feel like you’re not enough to attract a great man that you truly admire?
If it’s the latter, then it’s time to focus on yourself. This setback is not catastrophic. It doesn’t mean that there are “no good men”. Instead look at it as an opportunity to work on yourself. Focus on building your vision of the kind of relationship you want before you meet the man, not after. Take time to build your self-confidence. Discover what great men value in a woman, and stop relying on someone else to make you feel good. As you become the woman you are meant to be, you’ll be amazed at how your true soulmate will appear out of thin air- when you least expect it.
Remember, it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to fix a partner who we believe has great potential, but ultimately it's not our job to change someone else. It's important to evaluate our motivations for wanting to fix someone and to recognize what’s driving you. If that's the case, it's time to turn your focus on self-growth and building our own self-confidence. By becoming the person we are meant to be, we will attract a partner who truly appreciates and values us for who we are. Remember, it's not about finding someone to complete us, but rather finding someone who complements us.
If you need help getting started,
the stars are with you.
Right now my own coach has thrown down the gauntlet. She’s given me just 21 days to schedule 30 powerful coaching conversations.
This is no small task.
I will be blocking out at least 90-minutes for a life-changing “Attract Your Soulmate Now” coaching session with each person.
So: Are you ready to stop the parade of disappointing men and start becoming the kind of woman who attracts that kind of man that excites and inspires you to be a better person, instead of the other way around?
I only work with women are ready to let go of limiting ideas about themselves, men, life, and love. Women who are ready for a brand new approach to love and dating.
Here are some of the things we might do during the call:
1. Create a crystal clear vision of your true soulmate, the kind of relationship that you want, and a plan to make your heart’s desire a reality fast.
2. Uncover hidden challenges that could be sabotaging your success with finding, keeping, and trusting that the kind of love that lights you up for life is out there for you.
3. Leave the session renewed, re-energized, and re-inspired to jumpstart your love life and head quickly in the direction of your dreams!
I’ll be waiving my $497 fee for these sessions because I am building my practice by invitation and referral only. All you have to do is be willing to show up 100% during the session and I’ll do the same.
These sessions will be particularly useful to women who are ready to stop repressing their heart’s deepest yearning and know that their love destiny is not only real, but waiting for them to take this important step.
If you or a friend would like to reap the benefits of this outrageous challenge, scroll down. You’ll see the button below to get yours.
Since I don’t know how intense the response will be, I can’t guarantee that everyone will get a session. let me know ASAP if you’re interested.
Thank you!
Kristin McHarg,
Yogini Love & Dating Coach