4 Missing Elements to Get Him to Follow Through
Intimacy, simply defined as, “A close familiarity, whether it be physical or emotional.”
If he’s not following through, then the confusion between the sexes lies in how we understand intimacy. There are two types of intimacy, physical vs emotional intimacy, right? Intimacy is close familiarity which can also be considered a deeper connection. Women instantly feel an emotional connection with a man who pays attention to them, especially if he is attractive, and appears to be confident, capable, and potentially successful.
Often, that’s all we need to get swept away by love. Feeling the excitement of all that this could be, then riding it to its peak, and suddenly, it dissolves. Again. and again. Until we start to think there is something wrong with us, or them, or the world we live in.
Consider the power of chemistry. Your body comes alive, your energy perks up, your eyes light up. You hopes and dreams are called back out of the dusty basement. His eyes light up, he thinks, “Wow, she is amazing. I want to see her again.”
So where does the potential of all this chemistry get lost?
Where does the connection you thought was there go?
Why isn’t his heart into it after all that you did for him and all that you showed him about who you are?
What happened?!
Somehow when we were being groomed for life, relationship and dating skills were just not included. It’s as though the beautiful wisdom of love was lost somewhere along the way. Chalked up as a mystery. Something that just “happens” to the lucky few.
Here are 4 Missing Elements that I have found that are often overlooked when it comes to blossoming love. You may be interested to know what they are. These things changed everything for me-
1. The lost art of COURTSHIP- Courtship is the dance of love. The process of wooing is essential for a man to feel as though he has truly earned the right to the hand of his queen. If a man earns the keys to your castle in one or two dates, do you think he would be able to recognize your value? There has to be an emotional investment on his part. Emotional investment for a man means that he has to prove himself as worthy of your love. If you don’t require any work, he won’t be invested and his heart will not be opened by you or to you.
2. CONSCIOUSNESS- This aspect of dating and relating is all about self-awareness. Self-awareness is the key to whether or not you perpetuate the patterns that have created everything you see in your life up to this point. Has it been working? If not, it’s time to dilate your awareness so that you can truly see what it is that is being created and begin to shift. The shift happens when you are willing to see, lovingly accept, and consciously respond to your life situation. What else is possible?
3. CONNECTION- We think connection is composed of compatibility and chemistry. Isn’t physical attraction plus having a few things in common enough? Well, no. Connection means that you aren’t afraid to share your inner world. Your dreams, your fears, your feelings. Do you realize how hard it is to connect with someone who is unwilling to be seen as they really are? Stop trying to be what you think he wants you to be and just be yourself, unapologetically. If he doesn’t get it, the right man will. Be fluid and love yourself first.
4. COMMUNICATION- The first lesson in communication is to take self-responsibility. When you feel something, which you will as dating and relating always dictates, you must remember that no one can make you feel a particular way. Only you can allow yourself to feel a certain way. Therefore, never blame your date or your partner for what you feel. Share your discontent and take full ownership. For instance, “I felt sad while I waited for you to arrive. I was so disheartened when you didn’t arrive on time, I realized that I don’t want to feel this way. What do you think. Can you help me with this?” This is an invitation instead of an accusation and that always improves alliances. If you hold your feelings in, resentment builds. You must get comfortable with being uncomfortable, as well as knowing what you are feeling. You’ve got to keep him in the loop! This goes for feeling good too! He wants to know where you are at. Remember men can’t read your mind, even if you think they should.
I hope these four essential building blocks expand your understanding of what it takes to start to cultivate the kind of intimacy that lasts beyond the first 6 months.
If you are looking for lasting love, you may benefit from a sister who has been there and turned it all around for herself. ☺️
I invite you to take me up on a no-cost “Attract Your Soulmate” coaching call to help you take a big step in the right direction so that you can set yourself up for the love you deserve.
From my heart to yours,
Kristin
