Get him to stop talking about himself and show interest in YOU
The most important thing you need to know when a man is self-absorbed and isn’t showing interest in YOU is that you are welcome to interrupt him.
Learn to assume that he wants to hear what you have to say.
For women, polite listening shows that you care. As women, there is a tacit understanding that if you do this for your friend, she will also do this for you.
Men on the other hand, do not operate this way. Their main objective is to advertise who they are to you. They would never think to reverse the process. They assume that if you want to join in, you will, and if you don’t it’s because you are finding value in what he has to say.
Understanding this essential difference is a GIFT to him and to your self because now you won’t wait to interrupt.
Think of those moments when you have felt turned off by his self-absorption and lack of interest in you and imagine how it goes, by the time you finally interject you are feeling pretty angry with him for not considering you.
This is when things start breaking down between the masculine and feminine, simply due to misinterpretation.
As John Gray, Ph.D. and relationship expert says, to understand men, understand that “a man’s life is geared toward …letting others know how competent he is.” ~John Gray, Ph.D
3 Things To Remember About Turning The Conversation Around:
1. Stop asking questions and join in the conversation.
Feminine assumptions that keep you from joining in:
It’s polite to listen.
His interest in you will deepen with polite listening and by asking questions.
It feels better if he asks, so you wait.
Interrupting never works. (This assumption is born out waiting to interrupt and then interrupting from a place of discontent. Discontent breeds negativity.)
2. Assume that he is receptive to you even if he seems to be more in love with the sound of his own voice. 😉
Men are happy when you open up to share. In fact, men like to listen, just as much as women like to share.
3. Interrupt gracefully.
To avoid joining the conversation with a powerless vibe, be careful about asking permission. For instance, “May I ask you a question?” doesn’t sit well with a man. Of course you can ask a question.
One of the best ways to interrupt is to say to a man “That makes sense,… Those three words: THAT. MAKES. SENSE. is powerful and validating for him. This phrase evokes the best out of a man. It tells him you respect his opinion which means the world to him. Even if you disagree you could easily go from there with “AND I see it this way…”
(Notice I chose to use the word “and” instead of “but”. Skip the BUT, that word insinuates that he is wrong and you are right.)
Another example of a question women interrupt with is, “Would you like to hear what I think?” - this kind of question emits a low sense of self-esteem. Simply say, “I think…, or I feel…”
And be sure to avoid, “Are you even interested in what I think?” -this has a sarcastic and critical tone that feels insulting. Of course he’s interested!
Try, “That is very interesting. What I think is…”
Have you ever found yourself asking questions like these?
They are innocent mistakes. Subtle shifts in our language awareness can change everything! If you want “equality”, learn to understand the differences between men and women and watch your wings spread as you take off into a new sky!
Let’s soar into new possibilities with love and relating by learning to understand men better. YOU be the leader. It’s going to feed you both!
❤️🙏
Love always,
Kristin
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